Mr Tubby lives next door

Mr Tubby, the black and white semiferal cat who patrols at least 4 houses in our street including ours, has been a bit unsettled recently. His original owners 4 doors down have got puppies again, and he hates dogs so he's been at ours a lot. However, I have objected to the piles of smelly crap that he stinks my garden out with so have banned him from the house and the garden. He's let in for food mornings and evenings and is then unceremoniously ejected out the front, with a bowl of water and some more dry food to tide him over. Unfortunately, he's hit on a way of getting his own back: he will spurn the food and miaow very loudly in front of our door and the concert will build to an almighty crescendo of uncontrollable kittie distress that eventually, one of us gives in and lets him in, gives him a cuddle, some more food, and then tries to get him back out for the night.

When we were away for a couple of days, the emotional blackmail didn't work so someone in our street -- we do not know who -- rang the RSPCA, who came and picked him up. This properly guilt-tripped the puppy-owning neighbours against whose name and address his microchip was registered. Thankfully, it was soon clear to the professional animal protectors that this was a reasonably well-looked-after cat who was simply getting on a bit. He was rehomed a few days later, back to the puppy owners, and at some point, they and we need to negotiate who will front up the costs of taking him to the vet's to have his bloods done. He's no longer tubby, despite the amounts of food he wolfs down, and he's been struggling to groom himself so someone's having to do it for him. We discovered he's 18 years old, a ripe old age for a cat, especially one living largely in the wild, but even though I've often wished he'd get run over by a boyracer on the days he left me a particularly large one bang in the middle of my lawn, or pissed a huge puddle under the kitchen table, I do not want him to be euthanased just because he's old. As long as he's still mobile and affectionate and clearly enjoying playing us all for fools, he's not ready for the great big Whiskas factory in the sky just yet.