Glumness of glum

Quick lunch, then wander round the patio. Allotment later this evening, going to pick some rhubarb for friends.

Bad time of the year, made worse by the perma-rain. At least the bite in the air has gone and it's now finally balmy and spring-like.

On the patio, the wet is unfortunately causing some damping-off of seedlings and quite a bit of slug damage. Today, I'm feeling very "don't-you-dare-mess-with-me" after two pretty awful weeks, so I'm this close to grabbing a live snail and chewing it raw if I knew others were watching and taking careful note. This is what will happen to YOU, you freeloading chancers, IF you don't back off my seedlings. Go slither. Slime your way towards that pile of cat shit over there and eat that, why don't you.

Speaking of which: we had a veritable cat orchestra on the patio last night -- a minimum of 3 visiting artistes plus ours. Now I know why there's so much POO everywhere this year! They CONGREGATE in our garden and SING and THEN they get themselves so excited about their voice work that they have to take a crap. I lost it big time last night and stormed out with my flashlight shouting "Away with you, foul fiends!" and laced that with a few more unquotable fricatives, for good measure. After that there was peace. Although I'm sure that when I step outside in a minute, there will be another pile of poo.

A slightly more focused update on the seedling situation: what's left of the kale and cauliflower and other brassica seedlings is all looking okay. Growing. No more nightfrosts for now. The sweetpeas are soon ready to be planted out. The nasturtiums are coming on and have developed two leaves. The sprouting broccoli, one of my favourite quiche veg, is also doing very well in its makeshift ex-plastic-supermarket-tomato-container. Left it alone to do its thing, watered it a bit, and it just got on with it. Brilliant.

The Japanese seeds haven't done much yet but it's a little early. The second batch of runner beans has been munched. Meh and double-meh. The last sown seeds have sprouted although some of the curcubits, forget which, got got by the blackbirds. Also meh.

Good news though: one of the Halloween pumpkin seeds has also sprouted! This one will go on the allotment compost heap.

Amongst the flowers, the china asters, zinnias, phlox etc. are all well on. A little slow perhaps but maybe we'll get somewhere by July. My Asiatic lilies however are giving me great joy, bushing out nicely and growing profusely, and everywhere, in pots. They will be spectacular very soon.

And finally, a report from my unusual cast-iron window basket at the front of the house. The lone geranium has settled in well. The freshly planted strawberry runners also look reasonably healthy. Some flowers there. They still seem to peer a little hesitantly into the world as if thinking "Should we even be here, in a window basket? Is this appropriate? And is it a really good deal or a de-facto paycut?" I tell them, for I talk to my plants whether they like it or not, and it works; they do everything I want -- grow, go green, break into flower -- probably just to make me go away again -- so, on the plus side, I tell my strawberries, they're very lucky to even be in a window basket, even if there isn't enough soil or it's too crowded and even though it means being scrutinised and commented on by everyone who passes by. I tell them that the alternative is a big, dark compost heap. Also, I say, it's so close to the house that at least they won't get frozen. So their working conditions, I reiterate, are really pretty awesome, comparing. There might even be a pellet of performance-related chicken poo later on in the year, but only if targets are being met. And they nod, a bit reluctantly, and agree that that is a good deal even if it means having to produce fruit until 68.

When I turned around to leave, I could swear I could hear one of them mumble "Lamp post for you, come the revolution." but I didn't know which one.